The far-famed city of London
Main characters:
Mr. Joey (musician and manager)
Kindergarten teacher (Young innocent thing from rural Ireland. Green eyes, red hair, heart overflowing with love for little kids. After not having managed to find her prince in shining armour among the locals – although she industriously frequented all the ceilidhs in the neighbourhood – she moved to the „big world“ to continue her quest.)
Computer (with unspecified parameters)
Main conflict:
Obtaining a PC
Background information:
Joey is a good guy at heart, with strong desire to do good deeds. One gloomy morning, when lying all alone in his lonely bed, surrounded by empty bottles and smelly fags, he made up his mind to brighten up his useless life with some service to public good. Such as finding young talents and helping them to develop their abilities and reach such a brilliance as he did. So he picked up his instruments and went straight to the nearest kindergarten...
During one of his frequent kindergarten visits, Joey spotted a brand new toy for the kids – a shining comp full of such programmes as "Happy Alphabet" and "Colourful Counting". He was immediately enchanted.
He spent a sleepless night, dreaming about the thing. More exciting than whistle... more beautiful than sax... The next day he used all his charm and charisma to persuade the teacher to start giving him lessons. Happy couple sits in front of the screen while the kids fight mercilessly for the possesion of the whistle. An idyll.
The more time they spend in the sunny room, surrounded by teddy bears, toy cars and Barbie dolls, the more addicted he becomes. Barbie-dolls are irresistible, teacher-doll even more, but despite this, he has eyes only for the magical object which makes sounds, flashes colours and – most importantly – obeys his every order.
The desire becomes uncontrollable. Once he had dreamt about female fans throwing themselves to his feet. Now a huge white plastic mouse grins at him in his dreams and electrical wires tie his hands... He wakes up drenched in sweat with only one thought in his head: "I must get it!!!"
But how to get it? Where? He hasn’t seen such magic stuff in any posh pub... neither in any beauty salon... nor do they sell it at gigs as merchandise... He is desperate.
He vaguely remembers his diamond assistant Liz having a similar object. But not half as interesting as this one. Her object spills only boring numbers and letters. While this one... there is even a yellow duckling in this one. And the three bears dancing to the rhythm of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star are one of the most pleasing sights he has ever seen.
So... he makes a plan. One bright sunny day he persuades the teacher to stay at work overtime. Late, very late. As the bright day turns into a starry night, the teacher, who was honoured with a sean-nos version of Donegal Express and with tales of heroic deeds occuring at Pattaya beach (such as saving a half-drowned Irish national treasure from lethal sea waves), has no intention to leave. While she sits there, totally lost in her sweet reverie, Joey stuffs the cute little plastic mouse into his pocket...
Keyboard goes into his pants. Flat LCD monitor under his shirt.
But the comp box itself... Well, it is a bit of a problem. He tries stuffing it into his sax-case but in vain. Kinda incompatible formats.
He contemplates dismantling the troublesome thing into individual components, and even starts with the process, but after he loses the first tiny screw and can’t find it on the floor among all the cornflakes spilled by kids during the day (and coke spilled by the unexperienced teacher), he decides it’s not the best idea. Then he spots a little red cart in the corner. Three dolls sit on it and smile their stupid, empty smiles at him.
He doesn’t hesitate for a second. He picks up the Thing (damned heavy it is, and he nearly crushes the precious monitor, clutching it to his chest) but he manages to stagger to the cart somehow, stumbling over scattered chess pieces (no idea who brought chess to kindergarten – probably some parent who believed his sonny or daughter was a little genius).
With a mighty swipe (remembering the wise line „Will you kindly kill that doll for me!“) he kicks the dolls to the floor, and drops his Precious to the cart, covering it with a lace-edged, cocoa-stained table cloth. He kisses the teacher on her rosy cheek one last time and strolls out of the door, proudly as a peacock. Then he walks through the welcoming dark streets of London, pulling the little cart behind him, nurturing the thoughts of his achievement, heading back to his cosy home.
Question + answer
Q: Will he be able to gather the comp together? Or being a roadie he got certain experience in connecting things that look unconnectable?
A: "Attempt/mistake" method works wonders. Playing and fidgeting with all the wires all night and day long, gulping strong spirits and cursing cruel life, until a miracle happens and the screen flashes to life.
Q: Where? In the bar? Third table from the window?
A: The guests would gape at his Thing! They would want to share it! They would tarnish it with their dirty fingers!!!
Q: So WHERE???
A: He owns a tiny one-room flat above the bar. In the attic. With squeaky wooden floor and cobwebs on the tiny window.
Q: Is it where he receives all of his babes? Who fly to him like butterflies to open fire...
A: Of course. And there is even a real open fire in his establishment. Petroleum lamp. They once cut him off electricity for not paying bills. He later got a piratic connection, but kept the lamp as it lures the babes.
Q: And now he is ready to forget about all the babes in the world?
A: Well, for the time being. He doesn’t sleep, doesn’t eat, doesn’t double-book gigs; dust falls over his whistle. His bottom is glued to the chair, his eyes to the screen. He is mesmerized, doesn’t hear tapping at the door, doesn’t care about the outer world...
Q: Surfing porn sites?
The last question remains hanging in the air unanswered.
photo © unknown
