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Z: Sells them on ebay to make money and be able to buy false teeth?
M: No, I've noticed he shows up in his old shirts again! So it's not just disposable stuff... I checked pics! The same shirts in pics from different periods.
Z: Thorough shirt research? Well, two points for Shane - for having a warm relationship to his clothing and for letting the perfectly useable stuff fulfill its duty till its very last breath.
M: So? Who washes his shirts? Not him, I suppose. Though it would be an unforgetable sight. Shane rubbing a shirt and mumbling a brand new tune.
Z: Who then? Therese? Siobhan? Joey??
M: Shane does it somewhere in self-service laundry, corner of X-street and Y-street, North London...
Z: In the dark of the night? With neons flashing outside?
M: In crowd of other celebs. Who gather there like ghosts.
He patiently waits till others do their clean deeds... And comes out of a dark coner with his huge pack of dirty shirts. Stuffs cupla machines with them and gulping from a bottle waits... this time for the end of the process.
Z: Sits slumped on a plastic chair, bottle in his hand, tunes in his head...
M: Maybe even destroyes aggregates from time to time. He is not too good with all that machinery. Darkness, plus his shaky hands. And he forgets things in pockets. Lighters, openers, combs. All that cause damage to machines.
Z: Beer mats with new songs...
M: Nah! Mats are harmless. Till they don't contain some really strong lyrics.
And Joey uses darkness of the laundry and genius' distraction and puts his things into Shane's pack...
Z: What things?
M: Traditional things - dirty shirts. But he never leaves anything in the pockets! Never! Always checks them before! Although he does it (putting his things into Shane's pack) stealthily! He makes Shane go to the phone at the last moment, when he is ready to leave for a laundry (kinda “Shane! You got a call!“) and when Shane leaves his pack at the door and goes to the phone in the sitting room Joey quickly put his shirts in...
Z: And counts on Shane not noticing anything unusual when removing the clothes from the machine?
M: in the darkness of wash house?! in a hurry? after a bottle ot two? of coz Shane notices nothing!!!!!
Z: Ehm, why all those machinations? To save the few pennies for the washing service? Or to behave like a real bastard?
M: Real LAZY bastard! And he is too shy to wash his manager's shirts at celebs' self-service laundry! Five-stars one!
Z: Shy, modest bloke. Of course. Not washing his dirty matters in front of the eyes of the world.
M: But he sews buttons! Masterly. It takes time to talk him into sewing but when he takes a needle into his fingers... you should see the master! No-one operates with needles like him.
Z: By the way, where does he lurk during the washing operation? Behind the washing-machine? Behind Shane’s broad back?
M: In the nearest library. Night library...
Z: Full of night beauties, I suppose?
M: Night readers, right?
Z: Readers of the deepest desires, yeah.
M: But sometimes he lets Shane go to the laundry on his own as he is a capable adult! Remaining at home... cleaning rooms etc.
Z: Oh, he is a master cleaner as well? Or just a pocket-cleaner?
M: Cleaner in general. He is extremely pedantic... Cleans under beds, pillows, carpets...
photo © unknown
