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Dentally-challenged singer Shane MacGowan lost two teeth this week in a freak accident by a roadside in Limerick, Ireland, reports Irish newspaper The Sunday World.
MacGowan, who really can't afford to discard his already limited supply of teeth so casually, was returning from a late-night music and drinking session when he got out of the car he was travelling in to get sick. Bizarrely, he was rudely interrupted by a wall, which he promptly fell over, cracking his face on some loose bricks.
MacGowan has been without his two front teeth for many years, and he's lost many more in the intervening years. Ex-Girlfriend Victoria Clarke claimed in 1996 that the singer had damaged his teeth by eating a copy of the Beach Boys' Greatest Hits, Vol. 3 LP whilst under the influence of LSD.
Commented pal Dan Gleeson, "We had decided to go to Limerick for a session and were passing through Kilcurry, outside Nenagh, on our way home about 11pm.
"We stopped because Shane wanted to get out and be sick and the next thing I saw were his two feet disappearing over the wall. They are widening the road there and Shane just disappeared over the wall.
"It was dark at the time of course and by the time he got back on his feet he realised he had lost two teeth. He was a bit shaken up and a bit sore. He hasn't exactly got too many teeth to lose."
(from Sputnikmusic.com)
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That’s all because Shane didn't take Joey with him...
"You'll look after the house, Joey! What do you mean 'I do not want'? What do you mean 'I did it last time and the time before last. And I want to hear a gig too'?! Who is the assistant here? So assist me at home! I do not need assistance in the pub! I can drink and enjoy without your shaky helping hands, Joey, thanks and fuck off to your kitchen! I took you to Japan and USA, be grateful, and remember who feeds you... OK, you may go when you seperate these poppies from this wheat..."
So Joey finally agreed to stay and look after the house when he learnt there were some poppies involved. Only to find that Shane was lying - his "poppies" in fact meant "old peas"...
And that was nothing compared to the scandal when Shane got home...
Joey rushed to meet him with slippers and to take off his coat and hat, imprudently asking "How was it Shane, did you enjoy the session?" (the lamp is dim in Shane's lobby)
"So now you gonna mock me? My wounds are not enough for you?! No of coz you want more satisfaction! You never get enough! OK, look look what you have done to me!!!“
"What happened Shane?! Why me? I was at home. For fuck sake, what's my fault this time?!"
"You were at home! Of coz you were at home!!! And why? I ask you! Why were you at home when I needed you ? Do I pay you for being at home?! A lifelong friend... Fuck such friends..."
"Let me see, Shane..."
"Ah!! Fuck off Joey!! Why are you always messing around... Bring me something to drink!!! Where are my slippers? Take this bloody coat off me... Look you step on my hat! Faugh! You managed to get into puke somewhere, what a swine you are, Joey... Shite my coat and hat are covered with it..."
Later they finished a bottle of vodka and peacefully (and pissfully) fucked off to bed - or, in Joey’s case, under the kitchen table. The life of personal assistants is really no rose garden!
photo © unknown