A sigh of a regular PRS reader.
His right ear... Pretending he's wispering something... And poor sleepy Shane won't notice anything. Becoz it's false ear, his real ear was eaten by Joey two years ago.
***
Modern - glass and concrete - airport somewhere in America... Unnatural heat outside, artificial wind inside. Fat tourists in motley shirts, deadly polite personnel, phlegmatic policemen... Shitty music interrupted by useless announcements...
They had been hanging there since Monday, they were not let on planes becoz of permanent intoxication. Once again, Shane had got a bit too much even for the evening, and they were killing the time among suitcases, trolleys and duty free shops.. Just in T-shirts and sandals. They were short of money and starving, but not thirsting. (They had spent all their cash during privious three days, and all their cards had gone with the wind, sorry, with the plane - in baggage.) Shane is a strong man but Joey fell and started to gnaw at his best friend...
... he chewed Shane's hair. It was neither tasty nor nutritious. He moved lower a bit and chewed Shane's T-shirt. It was tastier but not nutritious still. Then he moved upper a bit and reached with his tongue for Shane's ear. He chewed it and liked. It was tasty as a cherry cake and feeling like an Irish stew... He didn't notice as he finished it. Two or three bites - that was all... The right ear of the greatest poet was not really great.
When the right ear was finished, Joey licked the last drops of blood from Shane's greasy hair and licked his lips. And listened... Shane was imperturbably sipping from his glass. That's good. He was still hungry. That's bad... How long will they stick here? Joey got a bit nervous. Cleaners and policeman started to greet them during last three days. It was not so unusual for them to hang in the airport for cupla days, but to hang there without any money!? It was a bit too much...
"Something else, sir?" The barman stopped in front of Shane. Shane (or any of his muscles) didn't move.
"SIR?!" The barman tried to pry the empty glass from Shane's fingers. Joey watched the process with interest. No one could ever take a glass from Shane. That time it was no different. The barman gave up and went to the far end of the bar were some German tourists asked for beer and cigarettes.
Mumbling of radio, mumbling of crowd, mumbling of air-condition... Rumbling in stomach.
"Whiskey, gin?" The barman was back and talked to him now. Joey shaked his head and looked at Shane with fear. No reaction to the familar words! It seemed Shane didn't hear the barman. What's happened to him, for fuck’s sake?! Joey moved closer to his face. Shane was breathing. And smelled of tobacco, brandy, sweat and fresh blood.
"Alive?" The barman winked at the couple.
"Ah?" Joey started and drew back. "Oh, yes. Nothing to worry about."
"Four double whiskeys... That’s too much for the morning," remarked the barman.
Fucking shite, what do you know about too much, thought Joey but kept it for himself.
The barman waited for a reply but went away in a minute without getting any.
What happened?! Joey was still curious. Is it becoz of the eaten ear? Ridiculous... Joey would never believe that Shane might let the words about another drink pass unnoticed by his ears... Ear! -Joey corrected himself. Interesting... when will Shane notice it? If he notices it at all... And what will he say to his best friend?
Three departures, two arrivals...
Shane was nodding over his empty glass (which he emptied about half an hour ago) and didn't show any reaction, not even to the sound of a beer can being opened by one of tourists.
Joey rested his starving glance at a packet of crisps in the hands of a fat bastard but then sadly noticed his biceps with Hell’s Angels tattoo. The guy was twice wider than hungry Joey...
He followed a child with a lollipop and a spiteful mummy. What a bitch, thought Joey and turned to shelves with bottles, cigarettes and chocolate.
Shane budged and looked around in amazement. He was especially surprised by the empty glass in his hand. "Oashe ur chuin ear?" (What are we doing here?)
"Breakfast," darkly jested Joey.
And hearing the magic word, he decided to take a risk. It was his chance: Shane had come back, started to move and to talk. The task is to keep him in that blessed state till the nearest flight.
It was the second time during the last three days that such a thing happened. Yesterday, noting the positive changes, Joey rushed to the desk to re-arrange tickets and things, leaving Shane on his own at the bar. It was a mistake. When he returned to pick Shane up, the legend was shitfaced in the company of Swedish fans with cameras. One after another they creeped under his arms and shouted something like "cheese". Noting Joey, they ran away, showing fingers and tongues. Joey took a piece of hamburger from Shane's lap and, melancholically chewing, placed himself on the nearest stool and waited for the sun – for another moment of brightening.
It had come now. And as Shane could not hear any tempting proposition without his right ear, Joey could leave him. But he got a better idea – he suggested taking a walk and as Shane didn't answer no, (he didn't answer anything - guess why!) he took him by the hand and they left the bar.
Shane's hand was like a bun by touch – puffy, and by look – with yellow sides. But smelled worse... he hadn't washed his hands for three days at least.
***
Business class. Joey with a half-sober and half-deaf Shane got on a plane. They took their places and Shane sticked to the bull's eye.
Joey bended to his shoulder pretending to be sleepy. But we know that he was hungry and what is more, he had tried fresh flesh...
The plane took off, and a smart stewardesses started to disribute drinks. With the widest smile one of them assured poor Joey that meal would come later. "Pray that it is not too late," hissed Joey and hid his avid mouth at Shane's shoulder. Shane himself agreed for Bloody Mary.
Joey heard gurgling of the liquid streaming down Shane's throat and saw the pulsatile blue vein. He carefully tried it with his teeth...
... but he didn't bite the vein (as you may think). He bit the neck near it. And immediately felt the taste of vodka and tomato juice. He tried to take a bigger bite.
Shane realized that his beverage got lost somewhere between his mouth and his stomach and asked Joey to fuck off.
Joey discontentedly sighed and feigned he was making himself comfortable on Shane's shoulder.
To the smell of tobacco, sweat and brandy, also the smell of tomato was added now... Joey either gulped or sobbed. The shoulder under t-shirt was so fleshy and juicy... And it was so tempting to pretend you were nodding on friend's shoulder... and to gnaw it, to gnaw... with quiet rumbling... lost in the loud rumbling of the engines...
"What sandwich would you like? Cheese, chicken, beef?" the voice of a stewerdess interrupted.
"Bmm!" mumbled Joey, unable to turn away from the shoulder of his sleeping friend.
"Your pardon?"
"BMMM!!!!! BOTH!!!! " shouted Joey, wiping spittle on Shane's shoulder. And asked the stewardess to move her buns fast.
When she fucked off, Joey showed a finger to her back and pulled a plaid over Shane's shoulder.
***
... next evening, Shane’s cozy home...
Victoria noticed that something was wrong. No wonder: the right ear was the sweetest part of her Sweet Pea.
"Where is your ear, Sweet Pea?"
"What?"
"Where is your right ear?"
"WHAT? "
"Come on! Stop wriggling! It's ridiculous!!!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Not fuck but ear! Your once posh right ear!!! Sweet Pea, look into my eyes! "
"There was no right ear..."
"There IS no right ear! But there WAS! What did you do with our ear?!"
"Fuck off! I have never had a right ear..."
"What? Think what rubbish you tell!"
"FUCK OFF! Leave me alone with my ears."
"EAR! Only ONE remained... Where is the other one?"
"I've never had it!"
"What? I know you had! I remember it quite well... Wait. Why do you think so? Do you remember?"
"Yes! I KNOW! And I don't have to remember such shite! It's Joey's work..."
"Aha, I see.. Joey's work!"
"YES, Joey has to remember. And he does!"
"So he told you there was no right ear, Sweet Pea? Yeah? Kinda you have never had it, don't worry boy?!"
"Fuck off! Nobody would tell me what I should do! NOBODY!!"
But Victoria was not deterred. She snapped at Joey where he had put Shane's ear. Joey tried to hold to the same explanation – to assure Victoria that there had never been any ear at all. But he failed. It was the sweetest part of Shane after all... So he changed his tactics.
He admitted the ear had existed. They came to America with it and were touring with it and even were interviewed with it...
But on their last day in NY (when the rest of the band were already on their way home), Shane decided to go for a piercing. He didn't discuss it with his wise and only friend, went to the piercing shop on his own and returned with a ring in his RIGHT EAR!
Shocked Joey gaped and they BOTH decided to repair the irreparable mistake. Joey defended Shane's honour and 'removed' the ear with the awful mistake in it... Wasn't it generous?
Of course, Victoria demanded the ear, but Joey said they had thoroughly destroyed all evidence.
And the outcome...
1) Joey cut his ear on Victoria's demand and it was grafted to Shane's head. That's why Joey has had long hair since that time. Over the place where his not-so-posh right ear once was...
or:
2) Shane got an anonymous ear, or perhaps just a piece of leather. A very posh one!
