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Medusa
has always been misunderstood. She was the first feminist and was cast
out of society for standing up in a man's world and declaring "I will
not be subjected to your rules!" Eventually everyone got tired of her
lurking out there giving teenage girls bad ideas about "equality" and
"strength," so Perseus went and lopped her head off.
And her alleged
turning men into
stone?
She emasculated them with her sharp wit. They were frozen with the
realization that they were perpetuating an outmoded patriarchal dogma
and the horror of the realization of the unfairness of a system that
they themselves were responsible for maintaining. The natural response
afterward was to deny this new truth - to reject it as the witching
stare of a Gorgon. "Her gaze turned me to stone!" Naturally Perseus
couldn't let this be... and the winner always writes the history books.
Surely Perseus would not have written "So there I was hanging with this
Medusa chick. Man, she wouldn't quit talking! 'Equality of all!' 'Equal
pay for equal work!' Geeze. Still - I just kept humming the 'Olympus
Tonight' theme and nodding my head when it looked like she was pausing.
You know how chicks are - she thought I was listening! So anyway at one
point she turned around to go to the kitchen for drinks and WHAM! I was
on her with my sword (knowwhudImean)!" Etc etc.
Perseus was just a hairy backed knuckle dragger who liked beating women
up.
Did he at least
have soft spot for
animals? What about his loyal Pegasus?
Treated that poor winged horse like a car. There was no love there - he
was the kind of guy that would kick his horse when it collapsed in the
street. Did I miss anything?
Andromeda
– was she a
typical victim of domestic violence?
Well, yeah. His encounter with Medusa reinforced the behavior he'd
learned as a child - that men can do whatever they like, and women are
little more than cattle. They are to be bought and sold, traded like
horses. Once they're acquired and had they're locked away in the
kitchen where they make food and children while the man seeks out
paramours with teenage boys (well - we are talking the classical era
here).
Aha, so he just asked a couple of his teenage male-friends to witness
that they saw a terrible sea monster grasping its dirty greedy hands
for Andromeda while in fact she was just picking mussels for dinner and
the most scary beast she encountered was a slimy seaweed licking at her
ankles. Bang, Perseus turns into a legend and poor Andromeda better
escapes from his tyranny into the sky to become a star formation. Yeah?
That's the gist of it, yeah. Convincing his teenage pals wasn't too
hard. He bought them a case of cheap beer. Once they were totally
hammered it was only a small matter of saying "Hey guys! Wouldn't it be
awesome if ..." The rest of the story seems pretty self evident,
really.
And the snakes
on
Medusa’s head?
Pff. "Snakes." She was cutting edge counter-culture. Those were
dreadlocks.
Oh, a fashion pioneer as well? While Perseus was a conservative, vain,
self-centred bloke always carrying his pocket mirror with him (hence
the story of watching Medusa through it - he had to explain its
presence somehow)?
'Xactly.
Well, Medusa truly deserves a prominent place in history...
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