Coming soon to NBC

From: "victor" <foo@prodigy.net>
To: "joesph" <gemje@dzm.com>
Subject:
Date: Fri, 27 Oct 2000 17:16:08 -0500
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DAD THE REASON I ASKED YOU FOR YOUR E-MAIL IS SO THAT I COULD WRITE AND LET YOU KNOW WHAT I FEEL AND WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE. I CAN RECIEVE MESSAGES ON MY PHONE BUT IT IS STRICTLY LOCAL SERVICE I CAN NOT AFFORD LONG DISTANCE. I WOULD LIKE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME SINCE I HAVE BEEN HERE WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS IN FACT ENTIRELY YOUR CHOICE BUT I AM SUE IT WILL SHED A DIFFERENT LIGHT ON THINGS THAN WHAT IS THERE NOW. MOVING TO TULSA WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, BUT I DIDNT FEEL LIKE I BELONGED IN EL PASO. YOU SEE DAD MY WHOLE LIFE I HAVE JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED AND ACCEPTED AND I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO FORGIVE FOR THE HURT AND PAIN THAT HAS ACCOMPANIED THAT. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THINGS I DID WERE NEVER DISCUSSED OR THE HELL WITH THE REASON WHY JUST FORGET IT HAPPENED. SO THE THINGS I AM GOING TO TELL YOU ARE WHAT REALLY TOOK PLACE AND GOD IN HEAVEN KNOWS IT IN GALVESTON THEY BEAT ME UNMERIFUL THEY KNOCKED MY FRONT TEETH OUT THEY LEFT ME IN A ROOM WITH NO CLOTHES AND FOOD FOR DAYS. I RAN AWAY I TRIED TO CALL AND TELL YOU BUT I WAS A CONFULSIVE LIAR SO KNOW ONE BELIEVED ME. ITS SAID I WAS PUT THERE TO SAVE MY LIFE I WAS A 10 YEAR OLD CHILD WANTING TO BE LOVED AND ACCEPTED BUT I HAD TO HEAR CONTANTLY HOW MY BILOGICAL FATHER TRIED TO BEAT MY MOTHER TO LOSEING ME CAUSE HE DIDNT WANT ME. I WONT EVEN GO INTO ELPASO I COME HOME I DONT KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH ANYONE EVERYBODY SAYS EVERYONE SAID I AM THE COMPLUSIVE LIAR SO WHO WOULD BELIEVE ME. I KNOW WHAT I DID AS A TEENAGER WAS WRONG BUT I WAS TRYING TO BUY LOVE AND ATTENTION AND AFFECTION. I WAS SO SCREWED UP IN THE HEAD I WAS RUNNING HERION INTO MY VEINS TO TAKE THE PAIN AND SLEEPING WITH EVERYTHING THAT HAD A THIRD LEG TO FEEL NEEDED AND LOVED I NEVER TRIED TO HURT ANYONE. I WAS FORCED TO GIVE UP MY DAUGHTER AND NO MATTER WHOS BEST INTEREST IT WAS NOONE HAD THE RIGHT TO PLAY GOD. IT IS REALLY FUNNY HOW PEOPLE CAN PLAY HOLIER THAN THOU AND JUDGE WHEN JESUS CHRIST CAN FORGIVE AND TAKE A MURDERER AND THIEF TO HEAVEN. I WAS SENT TO PRISON FOR THE CKS AND CREDIT CARDS I DID AND SHOVED AWAY TILL 18 GAINSVILLE SO BELIEVE ME AT THAT TIME WASHING SOMEONES UNDERWEAR OR SUCKING ONE TEXAS FINEST THINGS TO GET SOAP DEOTERENT TOOTHPASTE OR CIGERETTES PLAYED A SMALL PART. WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO IS KNOW MATTER HOW HARD I TRY I ALWAYS COME UP SCREWED. I HAVE TO BEG AND PLEAD FOR HELP. WHEN I GOT OUT I TRIED DEPERATELY TO SUCCEED. IF I HADNT HAD TAKEN YOU TO THE COUNTY ATTORNEYS OFFICE YOU WOULDNT HAD EVEN BELIEVED THAT THEY HAD UNPROCESSED WARRENTS OUT ON WHAT I HAD JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON FOR. I CAME TO TULSA BECAUSE IN EL PASO I DIDNT FEEL I FIT INTO YOUR LIFE. I MAY HAVE BEEN 31 YEARS OLD BUT I NEVER HAD A LIFE LIKE JACKIE OR KATHY. I DIDNT KNOW ANY THING ABOUT REAL I WANTED TO BE LOVED SO BAD I DID ANYTHING FOR ATTENTION. I WAS STILL HURTING SO DEEP OVER LOSEING THE TWINS. I HAD KNOW ONE TO SHARE THAT WITH EITHER. VICTORS FAMILY BLAMED ME . HE WAS THE ONLY PERSON IN MY LIFE WHO I FELT LOVED ME FOR ME. I MOVE TO TULSA THE FRIST BLOW I FIND MY HUSBAND IS A FAG THE PAIN IS SO INTENSE AGAIN I HAVE NOONE TO SHARE IT WITH. HOW DO YOU THINK IF FELT HE WOULD PREFER TO BE WITH A MAN THAN ME. THEN I SEE JACKIE LIFE I TRY TO HELP I GAVE HER MONEY I GAVE RICH MONEY TO GO TO VIRGINA. I LET THEM DRIVE MY ESCORT 3000 MILES THEY DIDNT GAS OR CLEAN IT. THEN VICTOR TAKES EVEYTHING I HAVE IN THE BANK AND SENDS IT TO HIS SISTER. WHAT HE DOESNT SEND HE BRINGS HER AND HIS MOTHER PLUS THE KIDS DOWN HERE I STAY BECAUSE I COULD LIVE THREW LOSEING ANYTHING ELSE. I WENT 2500 IN OVERDRAFT IN MY ACCOUNT I PAID BACK EVERY PENNY EXCEPT THE LAST TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS MYSELF. I GAVE THIS MONEY TO JACKIE WHEN SHE WAS WORKING AT6 STATE BANK IN A PERIOD OF THREE MONTHES THAT SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE TAKEING TO THE BANK. SHE SAYS SHE DID THEY SAY SHE DIDNT SHE DIDNT GET ANY RECIEPTS AND MY PO TOLD MY IN MAY OF LAST YAER THAT THATS WHY THAY ISSUED THE WARRENT FOR ME, THE COPS WENT TO HER HOUSE AND TOLD HER THE SAME THING YOU CAN ASK MOM. A WARRENT REMAINED IN AFFECT THE PAROLE BOARD TOOK TILL DEC OF LAST YEAR TO GET ME OFF PAROLE ON THE COMPUTER. I TRIED TO GET MOM A JOB AT ATT AND HAD ENDED UP LOSING MINE AT THE SAME TIME BUT NOT FOR THAT REASON BECAUSE I WAS COMPLETELY SUPPORTING MOM FOR FOUR MONTHES CAUSE I HAD TO MUCH PRIDE TO TELL HER I LOST MINE I WAS GIVEING KATHY ATLEAST TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS A MONTH AND BUYING ALL JACKIES PANTIES BRAS FOOD FOR MONTHES PLUS PLAYING BINGO EVERYNIGHT I WAS ABOUT TO LOSE EVERYTHING I OWN IN DEC99 I RAN 6000 OF CHECKS THREW MOMS CHECKING ACCOUNT I HAD PAID FOR EVERYONE ELSE FOR SO LONG I WAS 2-3 MONTHES BEHIND ON EVERYTHING I WAS PRAYING I COULD PUT IT BACK QUICK ENOUGH I DIDNT MAKE IT SO I PAID 1000 CASH TO THE BANK MOM PAID 600 AND JACKIE AND RICH PAID 800. AND PUT THERE BOAT FOR THE REST THE NEXT DAY I PAID MOM BACK THE 600 AND JACKIE BACK THE 800. THE BALENCE I COULDNT COME UP WITH I HAD KNOW CHOICE IT WAS EITHER WRITE HOT CKS OR RICH WAS GOING TO PROSECUTE IF HE LOST HIS BOAT.I HAD TO PICK UP EVERY CK I WROTE SINCE JAN00 I HAVE PAID MOM BACK 1200-1500 DOLLARS A MONTH EVERY MONTH I CONTINUED TO BE THERE IN EVERY ASPECT OF THE WORD FOR JACKIE AND KATHY. BY THE TIME MARCH CAME I HAD BEEN ARRESTED FOR THE WARRENT THEY OUT OVER THE MONEY I GAVE JACKIE FOR THE CKS I MADE BOND THAT DAY VICTOR HAD LEFT ME I LOST EVERYTHING BUT THREE SETS OF CLOTHES I HAD NO MORE MONEY EXCEPT MY DISABILITY MONEY WHICH WASNT MUCH I COULNT PAY THE ATTORNEY I HAD NO PLACE TO LIVE I HAD TO USE JACKIES CAR RICH DIDNT WANT ME TO THEY LOST THERE BABY SISTER I WAS WATCHING THEM FULL TIME I LOST THE PLACE I WAS LIVEING IN WASNT GOING OUT ANYWHERE AND CAN BUY A COKE I CANT GET THE CAR OUT OF THE SHOP I NEVER GOT THE INSURANCE MONEY FROM THE TRUCK HITTING IT CAUSE IT WASNT PAID FOR . THE DAY I TOLD YOU HAD A NEW APARTMENT I DDNT I WAS SO DISTRACTED CAUSE I WAS ALMOST IN THE STREET RICH SAID THEY DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH ROOM I COULDNT STAY WITH CATHY THERE WAS GUNS IN THE HOUSE AND JAY WAS A COP. AND MOM AND CHARILE WERE SPLITING UP I USED JACKIES CREDIT CARD FOR EXACTLY WHAT IT NEEDED FOR I MONTHES RENT 500 THATS IT IT WAS WRONG BUT I WAS SO DESPERATE I TOOK THE ADDRESS SO I COULD SEND IT BACK BUT WHEN YOU GAVE ME TWENTY DOLLARS I TOOK JAKIE TO GO PLAY BINGO AND PRAYED ID WIN AND I WON 3000. I SPILT IT IN HALF WITH JACKIE AND I TIPPED THE FLOOR CLERK AND SPILT MINE IN HALF WITH MOM TO ADD TO MY MONTHLY PAYMENTS TO GET HER PAID OFF . I LEFT WITH 700 AND JACKIE WITH1500 I PAID NEXT MONTHES RENT AND PAID MY ATTORNEY WHEN JACKIE FOUND OUT DESPITE THE THOUSANDS I HAVE HER UNCONDITIONALLY SHE PROSECUTED ME SO SHE WOULDNT HAVE TO PAY IT KNOWING AT THAT TIME WHAT THE DR HAD SAIS ABOUT STRESS AND STAYING DOWN FOR THE BABIES. SO MY ATTORNEY WAS ABLE TO GET ME A PR BOND I HAVE STRUGGLED TO SURVIVE BUT I TRIED THIS TIME ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY I GAVE THOUSANDS UNCONDITIONALLY AND THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY I GOT ANY THING HELL MY BIRTHDAY I GOT A BLANK CARD A SMALL CAKE AND THEY HAD A BBQ FOR THERE FRIENDS . JACKIE DIDNT EVEN TREAT RICH LIKE THAT AFTER HE HAD A AFFAIR AND WAS GOING TO LEAVE HER I SLEPT IN THE SALVATION ARMY PREGNANT AND SOUP KITCHEN FOR FOOD. MY BABIES ARE JUST A FEW DAYS OLD I NAMED MY SON JOESPH MICHEAL NAD MY DAUGHTER KAYLA CATHLENE. THEY ARE PERFECT YOU KNOW NOONE HAS CARED ANYTHING DURING THIS ENTIRE PREGNANCY THATS WHY I SENT YOU THE COPY OF THE DRS LETTER SO YOU COULD SEE THAT EVERY WORD I SAY IS NOT A LIE, I TRY TO DO RIGHT AND I GET CREWED EVEN MY KIDS BUT IT WOULD BE A DIFFERENT SONG AND DANCE IF IT WAS JACKIE OR KATHY. I HAVE NEVER COMPARED I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CONSIDERED TRASH. I KNOW YOU PROBABLY FEEL IM FEELING SORRY FOR MY SELF I AM NOT I AM JUST REALLY TIRED OF FIGHTING A UP HILL BATTLE I HAVE 2 KIS I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN LOSE I DONT KNOW FROM DAY TO DAY IF I CAN FEED THEM . I CANT WALK . I TORE THE MENGUS KNEE THREE MONTHES AGO AND THEY TO WAIT TILL I HAD THE BABIES TO OPERATE AND I CANT AFFORD THE COBERA INSURANCE CUZ OF LEGAL FEES . DAD I AM NOT BLAMEING ANYONE I AM HURTING SO BAD I HAVE KNOW ONE THE ONLY REASON I CAN E-MAIL YOU IS BECAUSE THE GIRL THAT LIVES NEXT DOOR TO ME HAS INTERNET SERVICE THAT GIVE HER FIVE E-MAIL ADDRESSES SO SHE LET ME HAVE ONE I AM SO SORRY FOR ALL THE SHAME I CAUSED YOU I DO LOVE YOU DAD THERE IS NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY I DONT THINK OF YOU . I NAMED MY SON AFTER YOU THE ONLY RIGHT THING I EVER DID. IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENS TO ME PLEASE KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU AND I AM TERRIABLY SORRY. LOVE CINDY PLEASE GIVE KNOW THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS FOO@PRODIGY.NET